Today is my birthday. :-) I am 6 ... with experience. It was 12 years ago today (ignore the math - I'm only 6 and can't do it anyway) that my LG spirit burst on the scene, with much enthusiasm. My life has not been the same since, and I wouldn't want it to be. Not that life was so BAD before, but there were lots of pieces of the puzzle that were missing. Like, when I was little, why were almost all my friends girls? Why did I always like such "flamboyant" clothing? Why was most of my playing so much different from the other boys? Why did I like dollhouses so much?
Today I can decorate my house however I want - I have dolls and a dollhouse, and paintings of little girls all over my walls. When people ask, I shrug and tell them I am eccentric. If they don't like it, too bad - they aren't the one living the life. That's because I know who I am and I am comfortable with it ... before I discovered what LG is, I didn't know and I wasn't comfortable. After, I understood and a lot of the events of the past made sense in this new light.
I am a Christian and I had to decide if this was wrong. People tend to mix a bunch of lifestyles together which have no business being so. I believe homosexual sex is wrong because the Bible says it is, in Romans 1. (I'm not interested in a debate about this ... I've already heard all the arguments one who disagrees with me has, and likely they have heard all the arguments I have, and frankly I have no need of making more enemies than I already have.) I had to look to see if there was anything in the New Testament about transgender. I couldn't find anything except one word ... "effeminate". I had to wonder if God really cared whether I sometimes want to live as a little girl - view the world with that kind of innocence and love, be full of wonder and excitement? Is it wrong to wear a dress?
A study of the word gave me two ideas. One is that effeminate refers to a boy lover - a sexual act. The other is that the word literally means "soft". I am not soft. I may be a little girl, but I'm tough as nails when it comes right down to it. I stand up for what is right, and I believe that was the meaning behind the term - one who doesn't live up to responsibility.
Someone said today that I am like a boomerang. I get thrown but I keep coming back around to where I was before. It was funny because in the past I had a friend who referred to my male personae as having an incredible amount of perseverance ... no matter how many times I get knocked off a cliff I keep climbing back up it. I found it interesting that this quality is seen by friends to both sides of my personality. However, I think it leaves out one thing.
I don't return exactly where I was before. I climb higher up the cliff. I fall further ahead than I was before. I'm stronger than before and I know the way back because, "This is not a place I have not been before." My personality is in constant evolution. Plus, any mistakes I made before, I know not to make again.
I'd like to share a few lighthearted, and some deeper, things I have learned over the years:
1. People can be friends, despite extreme differences in personal opinions and backgrounds.
2. You can have a "twin" who looks nothing at all like you.
3. It DOES matter if you are color blind. Get a friend to help you match your tights, shoes, accessories, and dress.
4. Self-pity is a bottomless pit, and it feeds on itself ... the more you pity yourself, the worse you will feel, which in turn will make you pity yourself more.
5. Shopping is the ultimate fun experience .... but someone has to pay the bill for it!
6. A person who will allow you to become dependent on them ... even in just small ways and in small doses .... is a very special person.
7. And...... we shouldn't build towers at the Dining Room Table out of crystal wine glasses..... :: Giggle ::
Now - these are deeper things I have learned from being knocked down once or twice. Hopefully they are not just cynical and they might be of help to some people:
1. Most people don't really care what you do with your personal life, but those who do are REAL adamant and loud and closed minded about it. If a good portion of your life is going to depend upon how these people perceive you - and there is nothing you can do about that - be careful how much info about yourself you make available. Always have plausible deniability. In worst case scenarios, cut your losses and simply refuse to answer your critics. Why give them more ammo anyway; what possible good can come of that?
2. Some people are going to act like idiots. Let them. Everyone else can already see it, and if they can't, they soon will. If you've wasted your breath trying to warn people BEFORE they find out for themselves, they will resent you for it. Just make sure you're not in the way when the fall comes.
3. Everyone thinks they know what is best, but when it comes to volunteering to lead .... very few will. Instead, they will let someone else lead the way, and then complain about the way that person is leading. After all, that's more fun. IF you simply bite your tongue and keep leading, they'll still follow. You don't need to nip at anybody's heels to make them go. And if some don't .... you're probably better off.
